Randy the Hawk’s Review Haiku (and more)
12/05/2007
MISS POTTER — Whimiscal story of how Beatrix Potter wrote one of the most successful children’s books of all time. I liked it even better than expected, maybe because I watched it right after the awful Waitress. (4.5/5)
WARREN MILLER: THE POWER OF SNOW: COLD FUSION — One of Warren Miller’s best ski/snowboarding films, although it falls off a bit in the second half. “You want your ski? Go get it!” (4/5)
CHRISTMAS WITH THE SIMPSONS — Christmas themed-Christmas episodes are always fun, even if the DVD interface seems to have been designed using a Commodore 64. (4/5)
3:10 TO YUMA (1957) — This psychological drama in Western clothing starts off low but gets interesting towards the end. (3.5/5)
BRATZ — Oh! Em! Gee! They’re like, so TOTALLY COOL! Surprisingly willing to poke fun at itself, a la Clueless (without the Jane Austen pedigree), but don’t bother watching this unless you have pre-teens at home. Classic quote: “Two words: uh…DUH!” Could anything better sum up the high school experience?
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12/01/2007
THE HOAX (4 stars) – There’s this writer, and he’s failing in life, so he decides to produce an autobiography of Howard Hughes, believing that Hughes is so reclusive that he will never surface to refute the book. Can you believe this really happened? Actually, I just made the whole thing up…but watch for my next book, an autobiography of John Hughes.
WAR OF THE WORLDS (4 stars) – Updates H G Well’s classic alien invasion novel to Southern California in the 1950s, which begs the question: If alien invaders did land in California, would anyone even notice?
BUG (3.5 stars) – Psychological terror from William “The Exorcist” Friedkin. I’m not crazy, YOU’RE the one that’s CRAZY! YOU’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Sigh…all I wanted was a Pepsi. And they just wouldn’t give it to me.
RESCUE DAWN (4 stars) – Crash plane, avoid locals, get captured, endure torture, escape, rinse, repeat.
MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (3 stars) – It just goes to show that not every movie needs to be updated, but if you do it, you might as well get Charlize Theron as your female lead, so the resulting mess will at least be watchable. Bill Paxton needs a haircut.
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11/10/2007SPIDERMAN 3 (3.5 stars)three super bad guys
upset girlfriend, which is worse?
save the day spidey!
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE (1946) (4 stars)
kill husband, get girl
double-cross, get double-crossed
rinse, repeat, the end
BEE MOVIE (4 stars)
seinfeld as a bee
what’s up with that? amusing
diversionary
HAWK
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10/18/2007
REVENGE OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978)
smell the red flower
sleep, while your new body grows
pod people got ya!
4 stars (after subtracting 1/2 star for a non-Spock Leonard Nimoy
appearance but adding 1/2 star back for surprising me at the end)
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10/08/2007
GRACIE (3.5/5)
her brother dies young
celebrates his memory
by playing soccer
WE ARE MARSHALL (3.5/5)
college football team
dies in plane crash; must start over
inspiring true tale
FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (3/5)
after lame first one
improvement, better effects
needs better acting
SEVERANCE (3/5)
corporate retreat
turns bloody; killer stalks them
glad i don’t work there…
BLUE PLANET: SEAS OF LIFE: OPEN OCEANS/THE DEEP (4/5)
see the marine life
in open seas or below
good family fun
THE AMAZING SCREW-ON HEAD (2.5/5)
Lincoln’s top agent
fights the undead; what?! I think
someone smoked too much…
THE INVISIBLE MAN RETURNS (3/5)
the horror classic
think Vincent Price did good job
but couldn’t see him… 
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AWAY FROM HER (4/5)
wife gets Alzheimer’s
goes to nursing home and…uh…
what was I saying…?
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: THE MOVIE (3/5)
live action turtles
eat pizza, say “dude,” fight crime
like typical teens
DOGS OF WAR (4/5)
Walken, Berenger
overthrow a dictator
careers near done, now
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: SPONGE FOR HIRE (3.5/5)
spongebob and patrick
like homer simpson and bart
legends of our time
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09/17/2007
LADYBUGS (3/5)
Rodney Dangerfield
for boss, coached girl’s soccer team
amusing, barely
ASTRONAUT FARMER (3/5)
Billy Bob Thornton
for self, builds a rocket ship
unrealistic
CINDERELLA II (3/5)
back from honeymoon
adjust to life as princess
not bad for sequel
SOCCER DOG (1/5)
kid gets adopted
finds a dog who plays soccer
bad script; really weird
HARRY POTTER I (4/5)
Harry learns magic
whimsical, but it’s the first
sets the stage for more…
